living without power-day3

The power eludes me. I have none and am not the controller of anthing beyond my attitude. I will not be broken. Eventually God will remember us and come to our rescue. It is all resting in His hands. I just wish He would stop playing hand games so I can get back to the act of living in the real world.

living without power-day2

Okay, so this really sucks. Been here and done this before and it still sucks. Tried to get help before power diminished and was told since I worked from home I couldn't get any help. It is considered a business and they don't help businesses. What a crock.

Woke up very early and couldn't see the light. Both literally and figuratively. Where is my light?

living without power-day 1

In all heartfelt sanity I have to say God sucks. With all of the supposed power He possess He fails consistently when it comes to proving himself to me. It is said we are to 'test' Him. assiming this means to believe Him. I'm finding this extremely hard to do when I follow His word and yet everything keeps falling apart. What the shot in hell?
It always seems as if the nonbeliever walks around with his little bucket over flowing with treasure while stuck a hole in my bucket the size of Texas. What the shit in hell! Gotta go. Have to take the battery outta my cell before it dies.

The Gap is Small

Nothing that improves finances has changed. So many new ideas explored and implemented and yet things remain the same. And a little worse. I would cry, but then I would be really sad.

Blind Change

I don't know when it happened. Hadn't been aware of it happening and nearly missed it. Gradually and inexplicably my blinding belief has begun disappearing. I guess it started at the loss of the home I loved so much and not being able to afford another of my own. Hurricanes can be such a damper on one's lifestyle. Maybe it began when I stopped listening to my favorite christian bands on my Ipod. I blame the trauma of the big delete.

I only know that where I used to run to God's Words as comfort, I now feel doubt and I guess a bit of anger. Now when I read words of praise, or hear songs doing the same I change songs, close blogs....move on. Its like an unconscious knee jerk reaction. I don't even think about it. Sometimes I'm able to catch myself and I stand still.My faith is still there. I know deep in my heart God could change things in a minute. I know this because everything I had home, business, income is now gone. I wish something good would happen soon.

Lamenting

Lord, can I please have a break. Don't just shine your blessings of a sunny day just on the land of the Earth. Would you please, please give me a break and show me some favor. What good is life when nothing good happens in life? What good is life when all around me are falling ill and funds have been depleted and You are not helping to pull me out of the hole. You, better than I know I can't help myself. I feel as if I have stepped out of the boat in to neck high waters and You have forgotten my name. I am tired, Lord.

Will You please look my way and remember me because I am trying hard to hold on to Your hand and remember You are there. I need a break.

Ugh

I am so frustrated I just can't think. There are so many opportunities out there. I have a great idea to start an online business, but I don't have a dollar to get started.

I have a chance to print and sell a few history books at a meeting, but don't have the money for ink or paper. The same for an outdoor market in June.

I can't figure out what the....what God wants. I wish He wouldn't give me ideas without the ability to fulfill them. Its frustrating. Let alone depressing.