I am so frustrated I just can't think. There are so many opportunities out there. I have a great idea to start an online business, but I don't have a dollar to get started.
I have a chance to print and sell a few history books at a meeting, but don't have the money for ink or paper. The same for an outdoor market in June.
I can't figure out what the....what God wants. I wish He wouldn't give me ideas without the ability to fulfill them. Its frustrating. Let alone depressing.
Sometimes a Word....
I have really been avoiding posting on this site. Mainly because I have been deluding myself into believing if I post only the positive, things will improve greatly in life. I've been doing a great job at fooling myself.
Every morning the day arrives on a fresh page and I get up in glorious anticipation of something good happening and yet it ends on the same giant note of failure. Nothing good happens.
I haven't been able to figure out how to get over. I'm no longer the ruler of my life. Can't go out to get a different job because the car has died, the house I live in is beautiful and I am grateful to be here, but its not mine. I do miss having my own, but I'm sure God knows what He is doing. I just wish I knew what He wanted me to do.
I just have to remember, there's gold in them hills. Mountains can be chipped away until they're the size of pebbles and can be kicked away. Sometimes a word in a song very encouraging.
Over the years my mountains have been ENORMOUS. Thank God for the chisel.
.
Every morning the day arrives on a fresh page and I get up in glorious anticipation of something good happening and yet it ends on the same giant note of failure. Nothing good happens.
I haven't been able to figure out how to get over. I'm no longer the ruler of my life. Can't go out to get a different job because the car has died, the house I live in is beautiful and I am grateful to be here, but its not mine. I do miss having my own, but I'm sure God knows what He is doing. I just wish I knew what He wanted me to do.
I just have to remember, there's gold in them hills. Mountains can be chipped away until they're the size of pebbles and can be kicked away. Sometimes a word in a song very encouraging.
Over the years my mountains have been ENORMOUS. Thank God for the chisel.
.
IDIOTS WITH CHILDREN
Well, the boys are gone. Their dad came to get them late Sunday night. He had called and said he would come on Sunday and I had them ready all day, just before bedtime he arrived.
The mom, anxious to keep up with a man who wants nothing to do with her had spent the entire Sunday afternoon instant messaging a grammatically murdered rant about the man. For over two months we'd had limited conversation with her and when it looked like the dad would be coming she couldn't stop sending messages. No, she wasn't worried about the children this was just a way to talk about the dad. I was so glad to see him at the door.
Yesterday, the dad called me four times within two hours. Another shock, this was as many times as he had called the entire time the children were living here. Apparently, instead of going to Beaumont with the little guys (a two hour trip) he decided to go to Woodville (even further)and the alternator on the car broke. This thirty year old man has a souped-up Impala with a stereo system that takes up the entire trunk space, gorgeous rims (she paid for), video screens throughout, a navigational system and nothing else to his name. No job, no food, no money. He's stuck in a town bumming money from an elderly dad living in a nursing home. Idiot.
I couldn't figure out why he was calling me and then it dawned. Each time he called he asked whether I had heard from the mother. When I did hear from the mom and told her how the children had been stranded with their dad in the cold, she spouted no regret for the children. She just killed the English language with further insults about the man. From what I could gather these idiots are using the children as a tool to fuel an argument. Whoever has them is the 'better' parent. In the end the silly mom boiled it all down to, she cares nothing about the dad and she has been talking to someone else for the past three months. The exact amount of time the boys have been gone . Neither worry about the children. Idiot too.
I asked the dad how the potty training was going and he said he had them in diapers. That idiot had the nerves to say he told the boys to just use it in their diapers. Well, there goes my work and their progress. One night and they are back in diapers.
I feel so sorry for all of those children. I wish they could pack their bags and runaway from home.
The mom, anxious to keep up with a man who wants nothing to do with her had spent the entire Sunday afternoon instant messaging a grammatically murdered rant about the man. For over two months we'd had limited conversation with her and when it looked like the dad would be coming she couldn't stop sending messages. No, she wasn't worried about the children this was just a way to talk about the dad. I was so glad to see him at the door.
Yesterday, the dad called me four times within two hours. Another shock, this was as many times as he had called the entire time the children were living here. Apparently, instead of going to Beaumont with the little guys (a two hour trip) he decided to go to Woodville (even further)and the alternator on the car broke. This thirty year old man has a souped-up Impala with a stereo system that takes up the entire trunk space, gorgeous rims (she paid for), video screens throughout, a navigational system and nothing else to his name. No job, no food, no money. He's stuck in a town bumming money from an elderly dad living in a nursing home. Idiot.
I couldn't figure out why he was calling me and then it dawned. Each time he called he asked whether I had heard from the mother. When I did hear from the mom and told her how the children had been stranded with their dad in the cold, she spouted no regret for the children. She just killed the English language with further insults about the man. From what I could gather these idiots are using the children as a tool to fuel an argument. Whoever has them is the 'better' parent. In the end the silly mom boiled it all down to, she cares nothing about the dad and she has been talking to someone else for the past three months. The exact amount of time the boys have been gone . Neither worry about the children. Idiot too.
I asked the dad how the potty training was going and he said he had them in diapers. That idiot had the nerves to say he told the boys to just use it in their diapers. Well, there goes my work and their progress. One night and they are back in diapers.
I feel so sorry for all of those children. I wish they could pack their bags and runaway from home.
And Santa Cried
I'm miserable for them. I'm sitting here listening to Third Day's song Revelation. The course begs for a revelation on what to do in life. It's a good thing the boys are so young and know nothing about Christmas. We hadn't even put up a tree or the decorations. everything sits boxed in the garage and worse I wasn't buying presents because it is just 'tight' this year. I'm really mad at their family.
A Crutch or a Wall?
How can you decide whether or not you are a crutch (someone who is an aid) or a wall (someone who lets a person lean on them as they are being lazy and irresponsible) to a person?
Last night I had decided I was going to call the twins father and tell him he had to come and get his boys. My keeping them has turned into an act of super convenience for him because he is not working or going to school.
This morning I talked to the father and found out he is about to have his lights turned off, phone turned off and since he has no job he may end up homeless. What does that mean about the boys?
A CRUTCH: Begins the care of the twins because both of their parents are unemployed, the father was in college and the mother was on medication for depression. The mother (living in another state) also has custody of two other little children. The hope is to give the mom a break and the father a hand.
A WALL: The parents have to be called and reminded to keep in contact with their children. Neither parent supplies needed items for the children and this includes food. Father quits school, still not working and doesn't take back children. The parent intends to sell the food stamps supplied to feed the children.
Am I a crutch or a wall?
Last night I had decided I was going to call the twins father and tell him he had to come and get his boys. My keeping them has turned into an act of super convenience for him because he is not working or going to school.
This morning I talked to the father and found out he is about to have his lights turned off, phone turned off and since he has no job he may end up homeless. What does that mean about the boys?
A CRUTCH: Begins the care of the twins because both of their parents are unemployed, the father was in college and the mother was on medication for depression. The mother (living in another state) also has custody of two other little children. The hope is to give the mom a break and the father a hand.
A WALL: The parents have to be called and reminded to keep in contact with their children. Neither parent supplies needed items for the children and this includes food. Father quits school, still not working and doesn't take back children. The parent intends to sell the food stamps supplied to feed the children.
Am I a crutch or a wall?
I Can't Even Think of a Title
In the last few years December has grown to be my unfavorite time of the year. Four years ago I bought a huge 10 feet artificial Christmas tree to celebrate surviving Hurricane Rita and the possible adoption of a little boy we had reared from infancy well he was taken back and given to someone who gave him to someone else (I learned life goes on) , last year I lost my home and home-based business and moved to a new and bigger city with much promise( I learned I need to learn more) and in two weeks we have to be out of the place we are in now. Can I just write a book?
I learned my daughters are resilient and intelligent. Gillean has bought a house. At twenty-three she is the proud owner of a three bedroom home with an in ground pool. I am learning a lot from her.
I learned my daughters are resilient and intelligent. Gillean has bought a house. At twenty-three she is the proud owner of a three bedroom home with an in ground pool. I am learning a lot from her.
You Can't Just Pack Them Up
The two great-aunts kept making comments about each taking custody of the boys and adopting them. What??? I mean, how when you don't have them now? How when you never stepped in during the times they (and mom) lived in my house? How? When you don't say, okay they can stay here the weekend? You don't even know the little guys and you want to claim them like little puppies behind a fence in a pound. What's going to happen when the novelty wears off? You can't just pack up a child and ship them here and there like they don't matter. At least they wanted to be bothered with them, their own grandmother didn't.
Poor little guys. Way to feel wanted. Their father came and spent three hours (maybe) with them. I had packed their bag because I thought he would at least want them for the rest of the weekend he didn't and it broke my heart how one of them cried when we were leaving. It was this sad pitiful little cry like without a lot of noise and a lot of tears and then he went to sleep. He slept all the way back to Houston and as soon as he woke up he was crying again, which made his brother cry. It took us a while to get them over the little funk.
I still say people shouldn't have children if they don't want them. Once we were home and I really thought about it, this guy is not working and at the dinner he let it slip he is not going to college anymore. Why didn't he keep the boys? He has nothing of value to do all day long. He says "I gotta get myself together". I certainly hope he uses this time to find himself a job and is not just hanging around with the new girl who may be pregnant for him. What??? That will make five children and as he says-"I'm not with her (both girls) like that."
This guy is 30 YEARS OLD. Did I light into him? Hell yeah.
I think its pitiful how their mom is always on Facebook complaining about how tired she is or what relaxing thing she is doing when half her family are States away. She spoke to the boys on the phone the other night and they had nightmares all night long. They woke up screaming and one ran to the door pointing back towards the bed. The first couple of nights here they did that. They would grit their teeth in their sleep and cry. It was most disturbing, but they stopped. Until they talked to her. She hadn't spoken to them but twice in six weeks and I kinda believe the nightmares comes when dealing with her. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.
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