In the last few years December has grown to be my unfavorite time of the year. Four years ago I bought a huge 10 feet artificial Christmas tree to celebrate surviving Hurricane Rita and the possible adoption of a little boy we had reared from infancy well he was taken back and given to someone who gave him to someone else (I learned life goes on) , last year I lost my home and home-based business and moved to a new and bigger city with much promise( I learned I need to learn more) and in two weeks we have to be out of the place we are in now. Can I just write a book?
I learned my daughters are resilient and intelligent. Gillean has bought a house. At twenty-three she is the proud owner of a three bedroom home with an in ground pool. I am learning a lot from her.
You Can't Just Pack Them Up
The two great-aunts kept making comments about each taking custody of the boys and adopting them. What??? I mean, how when you don't have them now? How when you never stepped in during the times they (and mom) lived in my house? How? When you don't say, okay they can stay here the weekend? You don't even know the little guys and you want to claim them like little puppies behind a fence in a pound. What's going to happen when the novelty wears off? You can't just pack up a child and ship them here and there like they don't matter. At least they wanted to be bothered with them, their own grandmother didn't.
Poor little guys. Way to feel wanted. Their father came and spent three hours (maybe) with them. I had packed their bag because I thought he would at least want them for the rest of the weekend he didn't and it broke my heart how one of them cried when we were leaving. It was this sad pitiful little cry like without a lot of noise and a lot of tears and then he went to sleep. He slept all the way back to Houston and as soon as he woke up he was crying again, which made his brother cry. It took us a while to get them over the little funk.
I still say people shouldn't have children if they don't want them. Once we were home and I really thought about it, this guy is not working and at the dinner he let it slip he is not going to college anymore. Why didn't he keep the boys? He has nothing of value to do all day long. He says "I gotta get myself together". I certainly hope he uses this time to find himself a job and is not just hanging around with the new girl who may be pregnant for him. What??? That will make five children and as he says-"I'm not with her (both girls) like that."
This guy is 30 YEARS OLD. Did I light into him? Hell yeah.
I think its pitiful how their mom is always on Facebook complaining about how tired she is or what relaxing thing she is doing when half her family are States away. She spoke to the boys on the phone the other night and they had nightmares all night long. They woke up screaming and one ran to the door pointing back towards the bed. The first couple of nights here they did that. They would grit their teeth in their sleep and cry. It was most disturbing, but they stopped. Until they talked to her. She hadn't spoken to them but twice in six weeks and I kinda believe the nightmares comes when dealing with her. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.
If I Could Turn Back Time
The boys father called last night. I guess my talk did him some good. He is trying to make amends with everyone in the family. Trying to set up a family reunion for Easter time, promising to take better care of his boys and even called their mom saying he would take all of the children so she can get a job and control of herself. I really think she needs a major break. Four children before twenty-five is nerve wrecking. Especially when you didn't want to be a parent in the first place. Anyway, my time is up I hear the boys upstairs.
Still Ranting
I am tired this morning. I got up very early to work on a novel and had to stop to take care of the boys. I had forgotten I no longer have a day off. Don't get me wrong I don't mind keeping the boys for their benefit, but it irritates me to know how free their parents are. The mom is always updating her site on the peace she is having. Every time I struggle to understand what the boys are trying to tell me I want to beat the life out of their parents. I'm aggravated as hell when I know how fast they learn and yet the main thing they can say is mama and garbledy goop.
Its beautiful how they are always seeking an empty lap to climb into and heartbreaking the way they will squat and potty on themselves like Mowgli.
Oh, my God give my mind peace in this matter.
Its beautiful how they are always seeking an empty lap to climb into and heartbreaking the way they will squat and potty on themselves like Mowgli.
Oh, my God give my mind peace in this matter.
How Do You Find Your Plan in Life
Okay, we have had the boys living with us for about a month now. There has been a catch thrown into the plans. Originally I wasn't even supposed to have the boys, but once their dad went to Arkansas and got them he had already enrolled into the local college and he isn't able to pay for child care and so they are here.
Their dad was supposed to come and get them on the weekends,but whined about not having the money for gas and so we agreed to every other weekend. What gets me is how these cute little guys are not even part of the plans of their parents. The dad lives in Beaumont and the mom in Arkansas. They don't even call to check on them and now the father has lost his unemployment and the mother doesn't work. What does that mean? What am I supposed to do when I bring in such a small amount of money? Am I to stay involved in these children's lives? How do you know what you are supposed to do?
Their dad was supposed to come and get them on the weekends,but whined about not having the money for gas and so we agreed to every other weekend. What gets me is how these cute little guys are not even part of the plans of their parents. The dad lives in Beaumont and the mom in Arkansas. They don't even call to check on them and now the father has lost his unemployment and the mother doesn't work. What does that mean? What am I supposed to do when I bring in such a small amount of money? Am I to stay involved in these children's lives? How do you know what you are supposed to do?
I AM SO DAMNED FRUSTRATED
If it weren't for the fact I would probably drown, I would cry. Every day I feel the tears behind my eyes. I just can't figure out what to do to make life better. I can't seem to make the choices that will make 'good' things happen. I guess it could be because of the rejection letters from potential agents and the stupid premise they have to not take the rejections as a rejection of yourself???? How can you not?
I am really angry with myself for not having done my studying and knowing who Ballantine books were nine years ago. I'm having a hard time just getting over. All I can thing about it 'what would life be now?' I know I wouldn't be on the verge of wondering where we will be living in the next few months or how will we pay to live wherever we will be living. I would probably have a car and dentures so I would be able to get a lucrative paying job and not sitting at home caring and teaching children whose parents don't care about their mental growth. I'm just tired and a cry baby and need a little cheese with the whine (wine).
Maybe I'll go to bed while the kids are asleep and wake with a better frame of mind. I doubt it.
I am really angry with myself for not having done my studying and knowing who Ballantine books were nine years ago. I'm having a hard time just getting over. All I can thing about it 'what would life be now?' I know I wouldn't be on the verge of wondering where we will be living in the next few months or how will we pay to live wherever we will be living. I would probably have a car and dentures so I would be able to get a lucrative paying job and not sitting at home caring and teaching children whose parents don't care about their mental growth. I'm just tired and a cry baby and need a little cheese with the whine (wine).
Maybe I'll go to bed while the kids are asleep and wake with a better frame of mind. I doubt it.
Teaching the Young-I'm Not the Stupid One Here
Okay, can I just say Lord Help Me? I have spent the most frustrating week working with a four year old who refuses to learn anything different than what her mom has not taught her. The child knows nothing and doesn't want to do anything, but watch tv. She doesn't like to color or hold a pencil. No, she is not slow witted because once her mom comes to pick her up she is rude, and smart mouthed. This child's mom is a teacher in the public school system who just says she can not deal with a child until it is ten years old. By then it should know everything because someone else should have taught it. The child and the mom drive me on a fast train down the road of insanity.
The child can not say her alphabets in a clear way when her mom is around. When it is just us I have been able to get her to unjumble the letters. That is after we pass the the temper tantrum and the "Momma says I say them good. Momma smiles when I say them" I say, (in my head--your mom is wrong) "That's nice, but no one can understand you and you have the letters mixed up. Say it like this...." She pouts and cries????
The mom says how they make her say the alphabets in the place of her grace and how she is saying them better. They see the difference, but they don't correct her. What happens when she enters public school? The child has been let to run her own world to such an extent her favorite line is "I have it or do it at home." She does nothing at home. This woman would never be allowed to teach any child of mine. For the first four years of her life she spent with a babysitter where her mom says she didn't expect her to be taught anything she just wanted her somewhere while she was at work. Makes me wonder what a 'teacher' is. I'm lost. I'm not the stupid one here, I am trying so hard not to jump off the train and let the child enjoy her train wreck with the pacifier in her 4 yr old mouth.
After I had my first daughter and she was a 2lb preemie and I was informed she would be way behind the other children and always slower, I thought 'hell no'. She was such a tiny thing and I believed them. That is until they did a test on her (don't ask me the name) and she did something that amazed the observer/technician. She clasped her hands in front of her. No big deal to me, but I was informed babies didn't do that until they were three or four months old. I took this and ran with it. Everything I could think of to teach this child I did. She started talking at six months (Mhia came home from birth saying "I'm hungry". At first no one believed me, but when she cried you could clearly hear her) with short little words. She had a full clear grammatically correct full sentence vocabulary of over 200 words by the time she was eighteen months old, knew every color and shape and could tell you the difference between a circle, a zero, and the letter o and could read before she started school. Karra has never stopped talking. Her sisters who were also preemies have turned out to be no different. Except they don't talk as much as she does.
I truly believe education begins at home and am frustrated with those who are falling apart and blaming the pubic school system because their child is not learning. GET BACK TO YOUR JOB!
I tried the public school thing, but had always wanted to keep the girls home. I thought home-schooling was only for rich White people (forgive my ignorant mind), but when I found out different, whoo hoo! The adventure began. I know this isn't for everyone and to each his own. I did it on my own with the Abe Lincoln format. Library and pay no one.We have never had a lot of money and our little home school never had a lot of supplies, but they have learned way beyond my imagination because they took their education in their own hands and branched into things I have no interest in and my family members tend to call them 'geniuses' and call on us when they need to know something. I'm going to accept this about them because I believe what I 'speak' over them. Intelligence, beauty, morals,self-dependence and tolerance (still working on this with the eldest daughter).
The child can not say her alphabets in a clear way when her mom is around. When it is just us I have been able to get her to unjumble the letters. That is after we pass the the temper tantrum and the "Momma says I say them good. Momma smiles when I say them" I say, (in my head--your mom is wrong) "That's nice, but no one can understand you and you have the letters mixed up. Say it like this...." She pouts and cries????
The mom says how they make her say the alphabets in the place of her grace and how she is saying them better. They see the difference, but they don't correct her. What happens when she enters public school? The child has been let to run her own world to such an extent her favorite line is "I have it or do it at home." She does nothing at home. This woman would never be allowed to teach any child of mine. For the first four years of her life she spent with a babysitter where her mom says she didn't expect her to be taught anything she just wanted her somewhere while she was at work. Makes me wonder what a 'teacher' is. I'm lost. I'm not the stupid one here, I am trying so hard not to jump off the train and let the child enjoy her train wreck with the pacifier in her 4 yr old mouth.
After I had my first daughter and she was a 2lb preemie and I was informed she would be way behind the other children and always slower, I thought 'hell no'. She was such a tiny thing and I believed them. That is until they did a test on her (don't ask me the name) and she did something that amazed the observer/technician. She clasped her hands in front of her. No big deal to me, but I was informed babies didn't do that until they were three or four months old. I took this and ran with it. Everything I could think of to teach this child I did. She started talking at six months (Mhia came home from birth saying "I'm hungry". At first no one believed me, but when she cried you could clearly hear her) with short little words. She had a full clear grammatically correct full sentence vocabulary of over 200 words by the time she was eighteen months old, knew every color and shape and could tell you the difference between a circle, a zero, and the letter o and could read before she started school. Karra has never stopped talking. Her sisters who were also preemies have turned out to be no different. Except they don't talk as much as she does.
I truly believe education begins at home and am frustrated with those who are falling apart and blaming the pubic school system because their child is not learning. GET BACK TO YOUR JOB!
I tried the public school thing, but had always wanted to keep the girls home. I thought home-schooling was only for rich White people (forgive my ignorant mind), but when I found out different, whoo hoo! The adventure began. I know this isn't for everyone and to each his own. I did it on my own with the Abe Lincoln format. Library and pay no one.We have never had a lot of money and our little home school never had a lot of supplies, but they have learned way beyond my imagination because they took their education in their own hands and branched into things I have no interest in and my family members tend to call them 'geniuses' and call on us when they need to know something. I'm going to accept this about them because I believe what I 'speak' over them. Intelligence, beauty, morals,self-dependence and tolerance (still working on this with the eldest daughter).
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