If I Could Turn Back Time

As I was writing the post for my business site Cher's song  If I Could Turn Back Time kept going through my head. Though their are a lot of things I wish i could change I wonder if turning back the clock (if I had the ability) wouldn't ruin some one's life. What if in the time I was going through problems someone was getting saved from near death or any other catastrophic catastrophe in life? Oh, my God and to one day have to find out....I don't even want to think about it. I have promised myself I am getting over the past and looking solely to the future. At least for this week.

The boys father called last night. I guess my talk did him some good. He is trying to make amends with everyone in the family. Trying to set up a family reunion for Easter time, promising to take better care of his boys and even called their mom saying he would take all of the children so she can get a job and control of herself. I really think she needs a major break. Four children before twenty-five is nerve wrecking. Especially when you didn't want to be a parent in the first place. Anyway, my time is up I hear the boys upstairs.

Still Ranting

I am tired this morning. I got up very early to work on a novel and had to stop to take care of the boys. I had forgotten I no longer have a day off. Don't get me wrong I don't mind keeping the boys for their benefit, but it irritates me to know how free their parents are. The mom is always updating her site on the peace she is having. Every time I struggle to understand what the boys are trying to tell me I want to beat the life out of their parents.  I'm aggravated as hell when I know how fast they learn and yet the main thing they can say is mama and garbledy goop.
Its beautiful how they are always seeking an empty lap to climb into and heartbreaking the way they will squat and potty on themselves like Mowgli.

Oh, my God give my mind peace in this matter.

How Do You Find Your Plan in Life

Okay, we have had the boys living with us for about a month now. There has been a catch thrown into the plans. Originally I wasn't even supposed to have the boys, but once their dad went to Arkansas and got them he had already enrolled into the local college and he isn't able to pay for child care and so they are here.

Their dad was supposed to come and get them on the weekends,but whined about not having the money for gas and so we agreed to every other weekend. What gets me is how these cute little guys are not even part of the plans of their parents. The dad lives in Beaumont and the mom in Arkansas. They don't even call to check on them and now the father has lost his unemployment and the mother doesn't work. What does that mean?  What am I supposed to do when I bring in such a small amount of money? Am I to stay involved in these children's lives?  How do you know what you are supposed to do?

I AM SO DAMNED FRUSTRATED

If it weren't for the fact I would probably drown, I would cry. Every day I feel the tears behind my eyes. I just can't figure out what to do to make life better. I can't seem to make the choices that will make 'good' things happen. I guess it could be because of the rejection letters from potential agents and the stupid premise they have to not take the rejections as a rejection of yourself???? How can you not?

I am really angry with myself for not having done my studying and knowing who Ballantine books were nine years ago. I'm having a hard time just getting over. All I can thing about it 'what would life be now?' I know I wouldn't be on the verge of wondering where we will be living in the next few months or how will we pay to live wherever we will be living. I would probably have a car and dentures so I would be able to get a lucrative paying job and not sitting at home caring and teaching children whose parents don't care about their mental growth. I'm just tired and a cry baby and need a little cheese with the whine (wine).

Maybe I'll go to bed while the kids are asleep and wake with a better frame of mind. I doubt it.

Teaching the Young-I'm Not the Stupid One Here

Okay, can I just say Lord Help Me? I have spent the most frustrating week working with a four year old who refuses to learn anything different than what her mom has not taught her. The child knows nothing and doesn't want to do anything, but watch tv. She doesn't like to color or hold a pencil. No, she is not slow witted because once her mom comes to pick her up she is rude, and smart mouthed. This child's mom is a teacher in the public school system who just says she can not deal with a child until it is ten years old. By then it should know everything because someone else should have taught it. The child and the mom drive me on a fast train down the road of insanity.

The child can not say her alphabets in a clear way when her mom is around. When it is just us I have been able to get her to unjumble the letters. That is after we pass the the temper tantrum and the "Momma says I say them good. Momma smiles when I say them"  I say, (in my head--your mom is wrong)  "That's nice, but no one can understand you and you have the letters mixed up. Say it like this...." She pouts and cries????

The mom says how they make her say the alphabets in the place of her grace and how she is saying them better. They see the difference, but they don't correct her. What happens when she enters public school? The child has been let to run her own world to such an extent her favorite line is "I have it or do it at home." She does nothing at home. This woman would never be allowed to teach any child of mine. For the first four years of her life she spent with a babysitter where her mom says she didn't expect her to be taught anything she just wanted her somewhere while she was at work. Makes me wonder what a 'teacher' is.  I'm lost. I'm not the stupid one here, I am trying so hard not to jump off the train and let the child enjoy her train wreck with the pacifier in her 4 yr old  mouth.

After I had my first daughter and she was a 2lb preemie and I was informed she would be way behind the other children and always slower, I thought 'hell no'. She was such a tiny thing and I believed them. That is until they did a test on her (don't ask me the name) and she did something that amazed the observer/technician. She clasped her hands in front of her. No big deal to me, but I was informed babies didn't do that until they were three or four months old. I took this and ran with it. Everything I could think of to teach this child I did. She started talking at six months (Mhia came home from birth saying "I'm hungry". At first no one believed me, but when she cried you could clearly hear her) with short little words. She had a full clear grammatically correct full sentence vocabulary of over 200 words by the time she was eighteen months old, knew every color and shape and could tell you the difference between a circle, a zero, and the letter o and could read before she started school.  Karra has never stopped talking. Her sisters who were also preemies have turned out to be no different. Except they don't talk as much as she does.

I truly believe education begins at home and am frustrated with those who are falling apart and blaming the pubic school system because their child is not learning. GET BACK TO YOUR JOB!

I tried the public school thing, but had always wanted to keep the girls home. I thought home-schooling was only for rich White people (forgive my ignorant mind), but when I found out different, whoo hoo! The adventure began. I know this isn't for everyone and to each his own. I did it on my own with the Abe Lincoln format. Library and pay no one.We have never had a lot of money and our little home school never had a lot of supplies, but they have learned way beyond my imagination because they took their education in their own hands and branched into things I have no interest in and my family members tend to call them 'geniuses' and call on us when they need to know something.  I'm going to accept this about them because I believe what I 'speak' over them. Intelligence, beauty, morals,self-dependence and tolerance (still working on this with the eldest daughter).

Child Safety

Okay, another stupid person left a child in the car and the infant died.  I am so sick of careless people. There are so many products out now that can keep this from happening. The Child Minder is one of the greatest things I can recommend. I had even designed one myself, but once I started looking at the patents I found this. The greatest gift for showers, christening or birthdays.

FIGHTIN' TEMPTATION

Just how hard is it in life to be honest? What is honesty, Really? We as humans are consistently bombarded with the concept of being honest.  The other day I was in this office building and when I sat on the sofa in the waiting room I saw an Iphone stuck between the armrest and the seat cushion. My mind said wow look what I found, while my hand automatically went up to get the attention of the two men in the room. the honest person in me immediately wanted to find the owner while this tiny greedy creature wished to keep it. Honestly quickly over ruled and later irritation set in when (after giving to receptionist) it turned out it wasn't theirs and belonged to no one in the building. Dang I kinda wished I could have kept it. At least to go through it and make sure it was returned to the rightful owner. I now wonder about the other people's honesty.

On this same day I had to go with my sister to handle a legal matter. The problem with this is that the wrong doing person sitting on the other side of the table was our brother. This brother has written off the family because of the many greedy things he has done in the family. He is a liar and a thief who will (and did) steal from his mother. To make a long story short he stole my youngest sister's car. She (beyond my advice not to) let him use one of her cars (Sidney) and he put a mechanics lien,changed title and stole the car. Before you ask, no he is not a mechanic, no he did not do the work he stated,sneaky, and just a guy who faked receipts and pulled forms from the internet. Conniver, but not as smart as the Lord has made me. I thank God for His gift of doing research that He has given me. Other than that, my sister more than likely would have lost her case.

All of our lives this particular brother has had an issue with being honest and working through temptation. He has a charismatic personality. You want to believe what he says because he just doesn't seem like a liar and a thief, but he is. He is supposed to be a pastor. If I didn't know the Lord, this man would turn me away from the belief of Christianity. In his mind he is never wrong. He has this propensity to 'get' things in such a way that it is just about legal, but you have to be a step before him or you will lose your prized possessions. I strive to stay far ahead of him and to keep my other siblings and children in front of him, also.  In honest fact, he frightens me a little because he is so good at lying that I often wonder if he is psychopathic. When our sister went to get her car from the designated place (his lawyer's office) she found it scratched, bumper hanging, something disgusting and foul poured in trunk and backseat, along with other damage.  This person even had the treachery to put some kind of fluid in a small jar and matches in the glove compartment, I hope the induction of fear and nothing else was his motive.

  My brother is also a writer. Though he believes he is a good story teller, he makes me ashamed at how he just takes a real event and turns it around. Not something we don't all do, but when you know it is 'real' and where it comes from and how he tries to push it off as his imagination just bugs me. He will swear up and down it was made up.  Ever seen the movie where an artist killed and covered models in cement in order to prove he was a great sculpture? It was probably written about my brother. I am praying for God to hand him buckets of blessings so he can be happy and grow up. Temptation to be more and to have more without working for it seems to be the enormous goal in his life. What a waste. Out of the seven children my mom has, this one has by passed the black sheep.


The Marshmellow Test