Thursday, April 30, 2009

And the Rain Falls

The other day it rained so hard it made me glad we are now in the town home. I was still looking up constantly though with the paranoid attitude and fear of waiting for the rain to come through the ceiling.

The fear of the ceiling caving in and my life falling apart are one in the same. At the moment nothing I am doing in life is working. My writing is not being fruitful and all endeavors I have made to gain employment is useless. By evening all I can do is wonder how we are going to survive into the next month. I have had no income since the end of last month. No bills have been paid accept for rent and tomorrow it comes due again. What can I do?

This reminds me painfully of when I moved to Baytown. Big time dejavu. We were full of hope then too. New apartment, job set before moving and the sun was shining. Within a few short weeks, dark clouds rolled in and the rain began to fall.
'm either crying or it is relentlessly raining again.

Saturday, April 25, 2009


Something From my email to my TEXAS friends

Friends v TEXAS Friends

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, playing dominoes or cards and just being together.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you..

TEXAS FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing..

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'.

FRIENDS: will visit you in the hospital when you're sick

TEXAS FRIENDS: will cut your grass and clean your

house then come spend the night with you in the hospital, and cook for you when you come home.
FRIENDS: have you on speed dial

TEXAS FRIENDS: have your number memorized.

FRIENDS: Are for a while.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Might ignore this.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will share this with all their Texas Friends and those who once lived in Texas

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."


I'm so irritated with life at the moment I can't even think. Within this week alone I have asked myself at least a dozen times..."when will life get better?"

The repetition of hole after hole is getting boring. Nothing I do for myself seems to be working. The move to Houston, thought sometimes I am happy here, seems no different than living in Beaumont. There is still no steady income which causes me to worry about food and utilities. The house here is nicer but exists because of FEMA. At least it doesn't rain in here and it is neither hot nor cold.

I won't lie to myself and say all the trite things I have heard others say, things like at least you're not homeless, or dead, or without a limb, without utilities, without....

I'm just irritated, so I lie to myself with the words--it can only get better.